You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
