my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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