is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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