if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
