I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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