and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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