My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
