So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
