I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
