so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
