She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
