I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
