help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
