$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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