I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
