people are starting to question the shark bite story
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have fence marks all over my body
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we should paint friendship bongs
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