I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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