I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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