Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found puke in my bra..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
