I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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