I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
