I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
