So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
