I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
