And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize