Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
