just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize