i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
