At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
