dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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