the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
