i always forget guys have bellybuttons
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I had to cum in my sink.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
