I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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