We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
