If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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