Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she told me i tasted like america
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
