if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
