hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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