Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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