Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
from now on my penis is your penis
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
