And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
