OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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