she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
