I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
