working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
