it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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