her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
false alarm, still single
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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