my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
