She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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