Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
