Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
