I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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