Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
