So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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