I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
