Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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