I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
