I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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