My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize