i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
