Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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