why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Drunk is not a location!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
