I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
