taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
