she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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