I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
