I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
