highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I came so hard my ears popped.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
