I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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