You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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