Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
