If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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